Currently Listening The Tyranny of Distance By Ted Leo, Pharmacists timorous me see related

have you ever wanted to tell someone something or ask them something but you just care too much to really want to know the truth?

Well I did and I heard exactly what I didn't want to hear. Once I eliminate a certain element from my life, and i start to think the coast is clear, something else arises.

I'm sick of people older than myself not knowing what they want. I'm sick of exhibiting my best performance for an unappreciative audience. I'm sick of jumping from cliffs to realize I can't fly and there is no one there to break my fall. I'm sick of standing up for what I believe in to everyone I come across. I'm sick of changing for the sake of others. I'm sick of watching things fall apart behind a thick pane of glass. I'm sick of the terrible taste of saltwater. I'm sick of the feeling you get when your gut is so empty that it cries. I'm sick of feeling like I shouldn't be here. I'm sick of the supercomputer speed my brain can reach. I'm sick of losing. I'm sick of lying. I'm sick of missing. I guess I'm just sick.

I want to watch the leaves change colors right before my eyes. I want to read 50 books on the back porch. I want to drink hot chocolate until my stomach expands. I want to be secure in a pair of pale arms. I want to have matching socks for every day. I want to enjoy learning. I want to kiss and be kissed back. I want to find flowers on my doorstep. I want to be missed. I want phone calls from far away. I want a plane ticket free of charge. I want someone to be wrapped around my finger. I want to be asked how I'm doing regularly. I want to be wanted. I want a merry go round for myself. I want smiles. I guess I'm just wanting.

oh sweet misery.
someone take me home.

Well, life is still living. School is ridiculous....a boy brought a gun to the homecoming game, kids got shot in the head with firecrackers, there was at least 3 huge brawls too.

oh and hear this, last week at school a boy hit me in the face for NO REASON. Yep, he smacked he right across the face so i hit him back and before i knew it he nailed me and i flew back. HONESTLY what is wrong with that picture? Heo nly got 3 days suspension and i spent a day in inschool suspension for hitting him back. BULLSHIT. I seriously want to throw up everytime i walk into that school.

Nothing is really new. I spend my weekends living at the trailor with the loves of my life Rene, Ashley and Carmela and we party, sit around, waste away on the couch. Fun stuff like that. I don't think I'd be sane with out them.

I got a new dog!!!!!!!!!! His name is Dizzy and hes a 7 month old black lab and boxer mix. He's black with white paws and belly and parts of his face are white.He's Ashley's but she can't keep him in the trailor. He's my prince charming.  

So the boyfriend is ACTUALLY, legally, taking his drivers test this weekend. So I'll actually get to see him. That is probably the one thing i'm really looking forward to.

The days may be a little drab, and I may seem heartless and cold alot these days. But I can't really complain. Life surely isn't a trainwreck.

I miss Kansas. Someone please contact Alladin and ask if i can borrow his carpet for a few days.

Comment on this piece and tell me how much you love me.

oh...p.s.
I got some super friends at the legion of doom.
blowin purple shit keep me high like the moooon
yyeeeaaaa
YOUNG JEEEEEZY BABY

ehh so yet again I take 654643 years to update. School started and Woodhaven is LAMELAMELAME. I don't really talk to many people at school, I just focus and get the grades and that is what is important ya know?

Today i stayed home from school cuz i felt bad. Plus i need rest for tomorrow. Which happens to be Revenge of the Black Hair and Mesh Hat Fest!!! It's in Port Huron and it is going to be amazing. these bands will be there check them out NOW!!:
WWW.MYSPACE.COM/CDC
WWW.MYSPACE.COM/LETITDIE
and this band was supposed to but couldnt...plus its my boyfriends band
WWW.MYSPACE.COM/INBATTLEARRAY

so go look at all of them right now.

Speaking of boyfriend. I am with the azzn. He is spectacular and you should be jealous.

ATTN: I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING. I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW YOU OR EVEN IF I DON'T. TELL ME HOW YOU ARE IMMEDIATELY!

[im so terrified and would you mind if i sat next to you and watched you smile?]
                                 so many kids but I only see you 
                                    and i don't think you notice me

Sometimes i really just want to break someone's neck or drown them. Is that bad?

School is starting so soon and it disgusts me. Everyone I go to school with sucks alot. They are a bunch of creeps. I think i need the responsibility though, this summer I have been so lazy. I'm pretty much a nocturnal party freak who doesnt do anything. Not a good idea.

This is random but, it really sucks when your friends are hurting themselves and digging themselves into such deep holes and all you can do is stand there and watch them drown like that stupid TRUTH commercial. I don't understand how people can lose themselves at an age where you are supposed to have the best hold on yourself. Even though i don't want to, i just care too much.

Usually, im pretty stressed as of now. With school starting and all that jazz. But, im not at all. I'm so content and its creepy. I think it's this boy. He's spectacular.
but you dont believe me. It's okay i'll show you what's up.
plus hes taking me to see Fallout Boy....so im keeping him.

Keep it posi

kidding
<3

SO it has been much, much too long since this has been updated.

Summer is fantastic. It has been such a clarifying point in my life. I've really seen alot of new things and alot of old things that i needed to see. If that makes sense?

Parties are the main point. Last Wednsday...cowboy party. Tomorrow...g-thug party. We have Wednsday parties :)

Oh and i found a new boy. And hes amazing. And i say this everytime so you don't believe me. You'll see, you'll see. His name is Edmond...and hes a drummer...and oh...hes asian. Cute right?

I miss Kansas. Someone call me 734 558 8342

<3